(i was sent home by my sister to freshen up after my vigil)
now i know what it means when someone says "her death was a blessing"
i love how, all of us cringing and bleeding around her, she was cracking wise
October 13, when the pain became too much and my sister had to verbally and politically destroy the hospitalist*, when my mother was begging my sister that she wouldn't treat a horse like this so she managed to get her GP to take her case and get her on a very powerful narcotic anesthetic
some 15 minutes after the 2nd shot of powerful narcotic she woke up
and all she could say was 'wow'
so her three kids and her sat up and watched the sunset while trying to sing, very badly, Satchmo's 'Wonderful World'...thank goodness for my brother's iphone to save the day
when i came in all soaked from the rain without any raincoat (i had left it in Washington State), she said she'd kill me first if i didn't get my winter raincoat back
my brother also brought some pretty awesome scotch with him; i don't normally like most alcohol because it tastes of sick, but this one was pretty good, with a very complex flavour. mom took the cork, brought it to her mouth, licked it, and smiled.
throughout, even when she was heavily narcoticized, she'd take some ice chips soaked in the scotch.
(whisky -- from uisge beatha which means "water of life"; now I know why it was called that)
when asked what she would like us to do it is to be happy and live life to the fullest
her service will be totally cool: people getting together to share in the common human experience -- but it'll have to be at someplace HUGE; there will be many, many people there
i can grok different afterlives, reincarnation, ESP, rstlne, a creative force in universe, but as i would think that any parent would do anything to save their child i don't grok that an omni-scient/potent/benevolent entity would allow one of their creations to die of cancer -- if they do, they are sadistic beyond anything humanity can think up and deserve to be fought tooth and nail...
* my sister totally has fierce love and fierce grace